message to myself but also you

The world seems to be in a constant state of flux. Sometimes I sit and watch the turmoil and comment other times I am dragged into my own personal turmoil. Thats where I am now a mess, I am overcome with the sickly sent of betrayal. I sit fearful of the changes I now have to make in my life. I know I must own this change now even though I didn’t choose it.
I think deep down I knew it couldn’t stay the way it was. We were but friends in a constant slumber party. Now that can work for a time but the no intimacy brick wall we where bound to run into. I am full of desire and now I know you are full of desire just not for me. I feel like a child who has been rejected by their best friend. I know it is not like that and we will remain friends for along time to come. It is hard not to feel irrational and hurt.
I was soaring and life was good now I just want to curl into a ball and die. I am trying to fight this urge. I am working on ways to keep my mind busy and I hope my brain and heart will right themselves soon.

List of things to do
1. Reconfigure life


~ by abagash on May 1, 2008.

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